Two years...

Two years…


Today is September 11, 2023. Of course, I’ll always remember 9/11/01, but something else happened on 9/11 that I’ll always remember. On 9/11/21, I had to dial 911 for Kathy Jacob. Yeah, ironic, I dialed 911 on 9/11, just like thousands of people did on 9/11/01.


I originally sat down to write this out just a few days ago. I couldn’t think exactly what I really wanted to say then and I don’t think I know what I really want to say now.


The second anniversary of Kathy’s passing is coming up on 9/23. I am not the same man I was back then. I am not the same man I was on 9/22, nor am I the same man I was on 9/24. Just like 9/11/01 there are many things that are seared into my mind about 9/11/21 and the days following. There are also many things etched into my mind about 9/23 and there are many things that are still fuzzy to this day.


On 9/11/21, Kathy was admitted to Warren Memorial Hospital (which is less than a mile from our house) and then later transferred to the ICU at Winchester Medical Center. It was there that I came to say goodbye on 9/23/21 to the woman I was married to for 23 years. The decision was made to not allow the kids to attend (I am not here to debate hospital policies - my youngest was under age and they would not allow her into the ICU at the time). It was just my pastor and myself by Kathy’s side.


My Bible reading today is Isaiah 41:13 - 'For I hold you by your right hand— I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you. ' NLT. My devotional mentioned when Jesus calmed the storm - Matthew 8:23-27, Mark 4:35-41, and Luke 8:22-25. I am reminded of the song by Scott Krippayne - “Sometimes He Calms The Storm.”


Going back to church was one of the first things I did after Kathy passed. I had to. I knew that’s what I had to do. Sure there were so many things going through my head, but I knew that all of this was beyond me. I knew I was not the one in control. God is good all the time and all the time God is good. Even when I don’t understand, I know that God is in control. I still don’t understand, but I know that God is good. I went back to church to show everyone that Satan did not win! Yes, I was hurting. I was hurting bad, but Satan did not win. If I were not a Christian, if I were not in a relationship with the Living God, I know I would have been torn apart. I wouldn’t have been able to make it through all of this without Jesus being in my life.


In the days after Kathy passed I searched out for support groups online. I am so glad I found a support group in Virginia. I applied for membership but immediately backed out, but then something amazing happened. One of the administrators of this group contacted me and said, “Hey! I saw that you applied for membership.” We started a dialog and I joined the group. I was invited to attend activities with other wids (that’s what we call ourselves) and I started the healing process.


I’ve met many wids, some in-person, some just online, and others we talk on a regular basis. Of course, none of us want to be in the “club no one wants to join” but if I were not in this “club” I would have never met the most amazing people in the world! Us wids have been through so much and this road is a long one and there’s still a long journey ahead. I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without my wid friends.


One of those wids that I started talking to stuck by my side and well, she’s still by my side and I would never have it any other way. I started chatting with an amazing young lady last July. Then some crazy stuff happened in my life that I wasn’t happy happened at all, but she kept messaging me and I wrote back. Those only messages turned into phone calls, and then I went out and visited her in California. Then she and her amazing son, Christopher came to visit me in Virginia and Caren and I got married On 11/11/22! Caren and Christopher moved here from California in May. This has not been a smooth ride. Caren and I have a lot to adjust to. We’ve made many adjustments over the last almost one year since we got married. There’s still a lot we still need to adjust to. I was married to Kathy for 23 years and Caren was married to Matthew for 14 years. I am not Matthew and Caren is not Kathy. We are doing our best.


Christopher is also adjusting. It took a lot for Caren and Christopher to pick up and move from California to Virginia. But we are certainly looking forward to helping each other through this. I think it definitely helps that God gave me another wid to be with. We know what each other is dealing with. We can help each other with this bumpy road we’re on.


I can’t leave out my kids. I know that this has been very difficult for Nathanael, Charis, and Ariel. I am asked all of the time, “How are the kids doing?” My standard response has become, “They’re still alive.” The truth is that I can’t speak for them. They are each processing everything in their own way. They know that I love them very much, but they still need their space to process this in their own way.


Just a few paragraphs north I mentioned how I was reminded of a song. I’ve found that I’ve become very sensitive to songs and song lyrics. I made a playlist on Spotify. The playlist does not have every song that is part of my healing process, but there are quite a few on there that help me through all of this. There are still some that break me every time I hear the song.


After Kathy passed, I decided to get some tattoos to memorialize Kathy. Kathy didn’t like tattoos, but I still got them. They’ll always be with me and they will always make me think of Kathy. Every now and then someone is brave enough to ask me about my tattoos, and so I tell them all about why I have those tattoos. I get to tell them about Kathy.


Thank you, for letting me share with you.


Kathy Jacob - I love you! I miss you very much.


Psalm 37:4 (Kathy’s verse) - Go look it up!